Ode to the Jar of Pickles I failed to open one Sunday Evening

Oh, pickles in a jar,
How naughty you are,
Flaunting crocodilian skin
In your glass aquarium.
This visibility, but impregnability
Has the capability of doing me in.
Can’t you see how perfectly
Your crisp bitterness was meant,
Gooey cheese pasta, to compliment?
While your unyielding lid I strived to defeat
My pasta sat impatiently losing heat.
You mock me with a dinner, thus incomplete.
Pickles, you are too cruel.

The techni-colored dream post.

I'm getting all antsy about the new semester and finishing packing etc.

I'm really enjoyed my classes last semester.  I'm finally getting to the point where I get to study things that I'm actually interested in.  I am not a poet, but I do like poems.  I also like Emily Dickinson.  I really really really like Emily Dickinson. She is incredible.  I really admire her.  I might even have a bit of a Ladycrush on her.  Speaking of Ladycrushes...  Bromance.

Yes, Bromance--a mutual Mancrush built on respect, different/complimentary personalities, helpin' each other out of tight spots and, of course, platonic brotherly love.  Is there anything that adds as much deep--instant--attraction to a man's character as Bromance?  No.  Except maybe risking his life for your puppy or helping old woman cross the street. 

Ladies, think of all the men on Tv or in movies who you earnestly, fist-shakingly violently wish were real.  Now, name their--equally straight, equally awesome (but somehow just not your type)--bosom buddy.

If you are having trouble thinking of examples let me help you out:

Captain Jack Sparrow + Will Turner
Shawn Spencer + Gus
House + Wilson
Aragorn + Legolas (Legolas + Gimli)
Captain James T. Kirk + Spock
JD + Turk
Booth + Sweets
Butch Cassidy + The Sundance Kid
Batman + Robin
Han Solo + Chewbacca ...?
(If I missed your favorite leave a comment :)

Bromance is one of my favorite modern words.  It couldn't have worked out better. Brother, Romance--Bromance. Where is our perfect Sister, Romance word?  We can try on Femance, Womance, She-lationship or Bra-mance, but none of those are going to come close to the kind of superb connotation Bromance has. Thoughts?

I think my roommate is a vampire...

One day, a few weeks ago, I was absurdly tired while trying to study.  My initial reaction was of course to blame the subject of my studying--math--but I quickly realized there was more to it than that.  The day was foggy and gray and none of the lights in the room were on. I looked over at my roommate.  She was also studying while yawning incessantly.  She hadn't taken her usual daily nap and for a moment I wondered if I was suffering from sympathy exhaustion... then it hit me.  The lights were off.  Why were the lights off?  Too lazy to stand up and walk to the light switch, I reached over and flicked on my desk lamp.  I felt relatively revived, but my roommate groaned, momentarily shielding her pale face and eyes from the light with an arm.  

And that is where my suspicions began.  So far the days had been rather sunny and the light seeping in from between the blinds had been bright enough to maintain my sense of normalcy.  Had my roommate ever turned the lights on?  I set my studying aside and sauntered as casually as I could over to the light switch.  I ran my hand indifferently up the wall, pulling the switch up innocently with my fingers.  My roommate shrunk back and protested instantly--with as much pain as shock, "It's so bright!"  I was horrified.  Was a I co-habitating with a creature of the living dead???  I had to know for sure. Things couldn't remain the way they had been.  I needed proof. 

So I started keeping tabs:
1. Shies away from light
2. Abnormally thin and fit (but doesn't workout regularly)
3. Has an uncommonly pale and pasty complexion
4. Sparkles in the sun
5. Eats sushi and mostly raw meat (with the excuse of being too lazy to wait for it to cook properly)
6. Enjoys Charles Dickens, Shakespeare and the Brontes
7. Roommates 2 and 3 report feeling "creeped out" under roommate #1's icy pale stare
8. Sleeps ("naps") for most of the daylight hours
9. Often wins at games like tag and hide-and-go-seek

Evidence in Defense:
1. Wears bright colors (an attempt to blend in?)
2. Sleeps with several stuffed animals (fetish?)

I knew I couldn't keep this information to myself.  The public had to be warned!  I decided to give experience a try, I called Robert J. Debry.  The man on the phone told me all my evidence would be labeled as circumstantial.  It would never hold up in court.  I needed to bring in other witnesses.  I tried to contact Bram Stoker--his supposed cremation seemed suspicious.  I eventually found him.  But They had turned him long ago.  He would be of no use to humanity now. 

In desperation I turn to you, the Internet, the Parthenon of free speech.  Don't let the cute peach theme deceive you.  I created this blog as my last hope.  We are not alone.  The undead are among us.  No one is safe from suspicion.  You can't trust your uncle.  Don't pet your neighbor's cat.  Be wary of your children.  Any creature may be a dead one. 

If you're reading this roommate #1 you haven't fooled me. I know what you are... ...vampire.